The Art of Doing Nothing (but getting acclaimed)

The art of doing nothing is called niksen in Dutch, and in Italian, it's referred to as il dolce far niente. On Seinfeld, it was called "a day in the life of George Costanza," which is basically a masterclass in doing absolutely nothing while somehow making it look like a full-time job.

But what about the art of doing nada and still getting showered with praise from the media and fans alike?

Well, welcome to Montreal (specifically, the Canadiens, where they’ve perfected the art of standing still while claiming to be in motion).

Performance theater? More like performance art, where the only thing getting painted is a picture of “Trust us, we’re working on it!”

Here, they have an innate organizational ability to hoodwink and bamboozle their fanbase (ok, maybe “bamboozle” is a bit dramatic... but you get the point). In this town, the Kool-Aid flows endlessly like it’s the Trevi fountain.

But what exactly is doing nothing? It’s not laziness, at least not in this case. It’s more about being content with what one has accomplished, choosing to sit on one’s laurels (or as the French say, s'asseoir sur son steak....ostit) and wait. And wait. We have prospects coming up (one day). But by the time they pan out, will it overlap with our current core’s prime years or their expired contracts?

It’s also about having a very murky agenda. Having the media and (some) fans believe you tried everything, gave it your all, but the market just wasn’t cooperating, and teams were too greedy. In professional sports, it’s often impossible to know exactly which names have been tossed around like a hot potato, so one must take management at their word. But in the case of les Canadiens, too many insiders (beat writers, insiders, writers with coffee stains on their shirts, bloggers, and anyone who’s ever been near the team) have said they won’t part with much.

Over the past few weeks, I’ve heard comments like: “Guhle is untouchable; management absolutely loves him.” Odd, isn’t it? Especially considering his significant history of injuries. Heck, during the playoffs, he was relegated to a third-pairing role while St. Louis decided to roll with journeyman Jayden Struble on the second pairing (someone please help me make sense of that!). They apparently (still) love Reinbacher, despite his giant “fragile” sticker, and when Hage, a mid-late first-round pick who we aren’t even sure will pan out as a Center, comes up in trade discussions, word is Hughes hangs up the phone faster than a telemarketer at dinner time.

I mean, even SOME change was to be expected, right? All we got is nada nada enchilada. Monty has risen from the dead like MJ in the Thriller video, Kirby Dach Dach Goose is still here, and the only change in the coaching staff (despite significant defensive struggles, especially on the PK) was due to Letowski choosing to change roles (family reasons). The hard reality is that this team is still too frail and small; they lack size and jam throughout the lineup (notably on the wing and down the middle), still have no 2C, no D-man who can play with Lane, and the poor village Sheriff is still here, getting dicked around like a piñata at a birthday party.

Did I mention your head coach has no contract beyond this year? Just a casual detail!

And yes, all I’ve heard and read is how great a summer Kent has had. I suppose in part because he hasn’t parted with any young player? Does he deserve credit for signing this core at what constitutes good bargains (based on signings of similar young and talented players around the league this summer)? Absolutely. But teams in the division clearly improved (Panthers, Leafs, heck, even the Bruins have Hagens coming in and added 30-goal guy JJ Peterka), and others are already stacked with young talent (Buffalo, notably) and more on the way this coming season.

But aside from the contracts, the fact they haven’t added ANY pieces (heck, a physical fourth liner like AJ Greer could have helped) or a decent stay-at-home third-pairing RHD remains, in my eyes, absolutely unacceptable. It’s like going to an all-you-can-eat buffet and only coming away with a single breadstick.

There will be difficult questions asked in a couple of months should the Canadiens take a step back and/or if the prospects they seem so afraid to part ways with show signs of perhaps being overvalued. Let’s hope for something during camp, but frankly, I wouldn’t hold my breath—unless you enjoy turning smurf-level blue.